just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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