Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize