dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
