She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
