You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
