I've blown a few things in my day
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize