We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
