My liver just broke up with me...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
