Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
