Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want to be your penis for a week.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
