Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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