I'm really into asian looking animals
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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