my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
