pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
