Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
