i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
