how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize