I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
