She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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