I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
