I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
