So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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