I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
