Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
