If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
