O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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