there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
