I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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