The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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