hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
