At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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