I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
