That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
