Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
