I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
