Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
