before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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