Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
