I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
