mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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