Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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