Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
