I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
