WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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