I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize