Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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