Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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