Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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