omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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