im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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