i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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