i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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