im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
