Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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