Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
