i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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