My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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