Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
