Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
