I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
